Just Shell

Little Pockets

2012-02-19T11:05:00.000+10:30

I have finally launched my own online shop

Its been a dream of mine for about 5 years now, i decided it was now or never

I sell a variety of babies & childrens clothing, most are made from organic cotton/bamboo

Organic skincare for mums & bubs

Some beautiful handmade items for baby

Stock still to arrive - a range of bamboo bedding for baby, Jazslings, A beautiful gift line, Amber teething necklaces, winter clothing for babies & children from Baobab (recently featured in Vogue)

& much more

Please visit and for all orders use the code "10percent" to receive a 10% discount on your order!

http://www.littlepockets.com.au/

Find Little Pockets on facebook

Remembering Amy

2012-01-29T23:24:00.000+10:30

Amy Louise

5.4.1991 - 21.1.2011

Twelve months last Saturday. Not a moment goes by that i don't think of my precious daughter

Loved dearly and missed by so many...

A New Year, A New Beginning

2012-01-03T00:52:00.000+10:30

2011 I'm glad its over

2012 holds so much promise, a new year, a new beginning

I like the sound of it

I'm not making any actual new years resolutions, more a list of dreams, hopes, possibilities

My Dreams for 2012

Lose those pesky few kilos that have been hanging around for the past 4 years - i know i can achieve this one, I've done it before, its a matter of committing 100% and making it happen

Do some form of exercise on most days {in addition to my normal day to day activity}

Some ideas: Walk Riley to kinder, walk our dog at dusk {my favourite time of the day to get out and walk}

20/30 minutes on the treadmill {if the weather is bad}

Swim a few laps in the pool

Make/bake from scratch - healthier & cheaper

Read to Riley each night before bedtime - this is something i haven't been doing much of late - he loves being read to - i just need to make it part of his nightly routine

learn a new craft - I've always wanted to crochet so will try and teach myself via YouTube

Organise the house - tidy cupboards, giveaway, sell things we don't need or use - aim for less clutter

Visit a health resort {dream}

This place sounds perfect

Start to really live again - i think i can be excused from 2011 - its been a year of heartbreak of the worst kind imaginable. I know i will never get over losing Amy but i know she would want me to be happy & to enjoy life.

I think on the top of Riley's list would be to go out for more milkshakes with Mum & Dad!

Social Media Secret Santa

2011-12-22T00:16:00.000+10:30

This Christmas i participated in a social media secret Santa hosted by Chantelle from Fat mum slim. Ive been reading her blog for over a year now - definitely worth visiting!

We were each given a partner to buy for and had a $30 limit plus postage. My partner was Rhian from Hummingbird's Song. Rhian was so much fun to buy for and she loved her gift :)

I was starting to think mine had been lost in the mail system but it finally turned up Monday! Not being the patient type i opened it on Monday night to find some beautiful candles, a handmade soap & a lovely Christmas decoration. The colors were perfect - green, blue & cream which are the colors of my blog :)

My house smells lovely!

The decoration looks lovely on our Christmas tree - Ive gone mainly with cream, white, silver & gold decorations this year so this one looks perfect :)

Ill definitely be participating next year!

Christmas at my place [part 1]

2011-12-18T23:18:00.002+10:30

Ive been such a slack blogger of late. Partly due to coming down with a nasty cold (managed to escape colds/flu all year to come down with something just before Christmas) Perfect!!

We have also been busy here with end of year functions, School, work & kindergarten. Its such a busy time of the year. Not to mention Christmas shopping & preparing for the big day.

This year we will have Christmas lunch with my Partners family and tea with my family. I don't get to see my family much as they all live in Victoria. It will be the first Christmas without Amy so getting together seemed like the only thing to do.

A few months back i was really dreading Christmas, in one sense i am - just knowing she wont be apart of it is difficult, all the emotions that come with that. But on the other hand i have Riley who is so excited about Santa coming that its hard not to look forward to it. I want him to have happy memories of Christmas. Just like Amy did and just like i did as a child. Its such a magical time, and i love seeing it through his eyes :)

Some festive face painting at kinder

My Willow Tree ornaments looking festive

Berry wreath on our front door

My little elf :)

A majestic looking angel on top of the tree

I love ornaments with meaning - the teddy ornament was given to Riley on his first Christmas

I like to buy a special ornament or two each Christmas - this year i bought the angel.

With only 6 days to go i still have a couple of gifts to buy as well as do food shopping which i cant really do until Christmas Eve. I will get there!

How are your Christmas preparations going?

Michael Bublé - "Christmas" Medley Clip

2011-12-10T20:21:00.000+10:30

Im still here, have been very busy with end of year Christmas functions etc but will get back to some regular blogging soon :)

A thought for the day...

2011-12-02T11:41:00.000+10:30

We don't receive wisdom;

we must discover it

for ourselves

after a journey

that no one

can take for us

Marcel Proust

Grief - 10 months on

2011-11-23T10:04:00.000+10:30

"Fridays Child is loving and giving...."

My daughter was born on a Friday afternoon - 4.20 pm to be precise. I was barely out of my teens and really had no idea what i was getting myself into. That all changed the moment she was placed on my chest. She seemed so tiny - 7 pounds. She had beautiful dark eyes & she was very alert & calm considering the difficult birth id had. 7 hours of the worst pain imaginable but she was worth every moment. I couldn't quite believe how lucky i was to be holding my beautiful daughter, vowing id always protect her. Her birth changed me, i grew up very quickly and didn't mind one bit.

Never had id ever thought id lose her. As a parent your mind just wont go there. You read about other people losing a baby, a child & its so hard to comprehend what that family must be going through. You think it only happens to other people. Sadly it happened to me. My daughter passed away peacefully with me by her side. It was a Friday afternoon - 4.10pm. To be precise.

Grief, 10 months on. Where am i at? I'm at a place of acceptance. I know she's not coming back, that shes not on some little adventure somewhere. I no longer wake in the morning and remind myself of whats happened like i did in the early days, hoping it was just a bad dream. A lot of things you have control over but death isn't one of them. Reality can be harsh, cruel. I'm still the same person but I've changed in ways that are only now becoming apparent. I'm less tolerant, i carry around a sadness that i cannot shake. Even though i have times i feel happy the sadness is always there. I wonder if ill always feel like this.

A question i get a lot is how have i managed to keep going? Function? The short answer is i don't really know. Until you are faced with something its hard to judge how you would cope. I think if i didn't have my son it would have been harder to pick myself up. His needs are immediate, he is my reason for getting up each morning. Life is busy, sometimes a little busier than id like. And that helps too but sometimes I've just got to take some time out for me and reflect. Lately I've been going to the cemetery when i need to be alone and i sit next to her grave and talk to her. Perhaps I'm going a little nutty? If i am, i don't care as it helps to talk to her & I'm sure shes listening.

Having a small child and mixing with other mums at kinder & playgroup i quite often get asked the question do i have any other children? The answer is always yes i do, that my daughter passed away early this year. Most people are very kind, some are uncomfortable. She lived, she was my daughter and ill always mention her. Always.

Love this ::

2011-11-18T20:46:00.000+10:30

To be a star,

you must shine your own light,

follow your own path,

and don't worry

about the darkness,

for that is when the

stars shine brightest.

~unknown

When the internet is down...

2011-11-12T23:25:00.000+10:30

I found this picture on Facebook tonight:

I usually get a lot of housework down when my internet decides not to work which has been a lot lately. Hence the tidy house!

Online shopping adventures

2011-11-10T23:38:00.002+10:30

Riley's 2nd Christmas {at 16 months}

Its hard to believe it will be Riley's 5th Christmas this year. Its true, time goes too quickly. For once im very organised and have almost finished shopping. Ive put a lot of thought into what Rileys getting this year as opposed to just buying for the sake of it. His needs are simple, he wants goggles & a helmut!

Ive done most of my shopping online as well as at our local toyshop. I think its important to support local businesses {with the added benefit of no postage}

A few bits & pieces ive purchased online:

This cute striped t shirt

Purchased from here

Some comfy pjs

From here

Something for the bath

From this gorgeous online shop

And because he loves cars

Again from this shop

We are not sure where we will spend this Christmas. As much as it would be nice to be around family its the only chance we will get to have a holiday for quite sometime. The thought of just getting away and doing something different might be just what we need.

Ive just realised my last few posts have all been Christmas related! Might have to change the subject :)

My Christmas wish list {part 2}

2011-11-05T20:14:00.001+10:30

My Christmas wish list {Part 1}

2011-10-29T19:14:00.000+10:30

There is no question that this Christmas will be a difficult one for me. For those new to my blog you may want to go back to my first post - the short version is my daughter passed away suddenly in January of this year. Its been a year of firsts - the first Birthday i spent without her. The first Easter without her - i always bought her a Lindt gold bunny. You get the picture. With the lead up to Christmas i have that sick feeling in my stomach, the feeling i get when i know there is no escaping the pain. I have to go through it and make it as bearable on me and those around me as possible.

Ive spent a lot of time thinking about having something as a reminder of her (not that i need one) maybe more having a little part of her with me all of the time. Ive considered getting another tattoo - i have one already - a rose. Although i love it I'm not keen on getting another one just yet.

I'm thinking a special piece of Jewellery with her name and dates inscribed. There are some beautiful designers out there, maybe too many to choose from but I've found the piece that is "the one".

The piece I've chosen is from Uberkate and its the Mother & child pendant. Simple yet stylish with two interconnected circles. Perfect really.

Giveaway winner!

2011-10-25T13:42:00.000+10:30

I ment to post this earlier today but the day has got away from me!

The winner of the Macaroon Book is comment #4

Congratulations Fleur!

I will email you shortly

Thankyou to everyone who entered!

I will be having another giveway closer to Christmas :)

My Weekend

2011-10-24T21:13:00.000+10:30

I planned to write this post last night when i got home but by the time i sat down at my computer i could barely keep my eyes open! This weekend just past i took a drive down the coast to my hometown to catch up with my best friend. We grew up in the same street, attended the same kindergarten & schools and have been best friends forever. We live in different states now so catching up is a rare thing these days. We stayed in the cutest, cosiest cottage (it also happened to be in the same street we grew up in). Id walked past this cottage hundreds of times before and have always loved it. When i saw it on an accommodation website i knew this was the place to stay.

You know those friends that are always there for you? Well Julie is just like that. She knows me better than anyone else. In good times and sad times we have always been there for each other. I was bridesmaid at her wedding. She reminded me she is still waiting to be bridesmaid at mine....

We shopped (little towns have the best boutiques) dined out, talked, drank wine, maybe a little too much wine! We have decided that we will catch up once a year, a new place each time. Next year we are going to head to Melbourne as its about half way for both of us.

Here's some photos of the cottage we stayed in:

Source

"Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us" - Unknown

Chasing ducks {blogtoberfest day 19}

2011-10-19T22:49:00.000+10:30

Duck chasing

Kinder boy

Nice view

Friendly ducks

On the move

Its starting to feel like summer here. Monday and Tuesday were warm but pleasant, today 30 degrees and humid. Tonight we decided to get out of the house and head down to the lakes for tea. Fish & chips & lemonade. The perfect end to a hot day. Riley had fun chasing the local wildlife and even managed to play on the swings before it got dark. I wish i had his energy!

Riley officially started kinder this week. In SA we have pre-entry kinder for 1 term and then 3 terms of regular kinder. He loves it and looks forward to going everyday. 4 half days a week & I'm enjoying the time out! Its a new routine which we will adapt to I'm sure.

"Allow children to be happy in their own way, for what better way will they find?." - Samuel Johnson

Sunday Quote {Blogtoberfest Day 16}

2011-10-16T17:57:00.000+10:30

Be faithful in small things

because it is in them

that your strength lies

~Mother Teresa

Macaroon Book Giveaway

2011-10-13T21:29:00.001+10:30

Ive decided to do another little giveaway

Macaroons seem to be everywhere

They look almost too pretty to eat!

I have one gorgeous book to giveaway to one reader

"Macaroons" by Marie-Laure Tombini

30 delicious recipes

All you need to do is be a follower of my blog and leave a comment including contact details

The giveaway is open to everyone, everywhere

Entries close midnight 24th October

Goodluck!

Christmas Planner {Blogtoberfest day 12}

2011-10-13T16:52:00.000+10:30

Apparently it is 10 weeks to Christmas!

I'm rarely organised for Christmas leaving most things to the last minute (somehow i get everything done though!). I came across this Christmas planner today on the Organised Housewife's blog. For $9.95 its definitely value for money.
It has everything from budgets to meal plans, pretty much covers everything with quite few things i hadn't ever thought of.
Here's to an organised Christmas this year for me!
I have even started my Christmas shopping (a couple of gifts but its a start!)

Giveaway Winner! {Blogtoberfest day 11}

2011-10-11T20:45:00.000+10:30

Thankyou to those who entered my little giveway!

I tried to use the random org generator but i couldnt get it to work so i used my backup plan of asking my partner to choose a number between 1 and 3 and of course he asked why! The number he chose was 3.

Congratulations Lisa! Please contact me with your details and i will post your goodies asap.

I will be having another little giveway starting later this week. Stay tuned!

Etsy day {Blogtoberfest day 6}

2011-10-08T20:41:00.000+10:30

This was another little splurge from yesterday.

Its an unframed print

I think it will look cute near my desk

Purchased from this seller

I like the butterfly photos as well!

Do you have a favourite Etsy seller? Or sellers like me.

I cant think of a title for this post {Day 5 Blogtoberfest}

2011-10-07T23:26:00.000+10:30

Actually i think its day 7 but who's counting!

A bit of a recap of my day:

Lunch out with a lovely friend - great food & company
I went dress shopping as i ~~need~~ want a new dress to wear to a school reunion in 2 weeks time. Its Black, a wrap style with the tiniest amount of bling. Its a classic that i can see myself wearing a lot (pics to come, i promise)
I went next door to a shoe and accessories shop (when buying a new dress one must buy new shoes). These are black patent leather wedges, peep toes? I think that's what they are called. Gorgeous shoes anyway.
I had one more little splurge at a home wares/gift place and bought myself a glasshouse candle for my desk. Smells Divine. I'm sure it will help with my blogging.
After all that splurging i picked up Riley from childcare and had to sign 3 incident reports! 3!! A scratch on the face, someone stood on his hand and he had a fall (minor). Poor little fella! He was in good spirits despite all that. Only 2 more sessions at his daycare centre then he is off to big kindy. My baby is growing up :( I'm a little sad he wont be going to his daycare centre for much longer. He has been going since he was 6 months old and he pretty much runs the show now! It will be a sad day indeed.
I think that's about it. Dinner cooked, Riley bathed and still no sign of my partner (he works very late sometimes).
Its almost my bedtime too.

If you haven't already you can enter my giveaway here

Coldplay - Fix You ~blogtoberfest day 4~

2011-10-06T22:16:00.000+10:30

I'm cheating a bit today - i haven't had time to do a proper post so thought id share this song. I love cold play.
Enjoy!

PS Id love you to enter my giveaway Christmas is only 11 weeks away!! Yikes!! This would make an ideal stocking stuffer :)

A Small Giveaway :: Body Shop Products:: (Blogtoberfest Day day 3}

2011-10-05T23:47:00.000+10:30

I thought id like to do a small giveaway to celebrate blogtoberfest as well as the fact that i now have 9, yes 9!! followers.

When i started blogging back in July i had know idea how much i would actually enjoy it. Basically i started a blog as a form of self expression, a hobby and a way of documenting our life. Along the way I've found and come apart of this fantastic blogging community full of imspiring, clever, caring beautiful women.

I hope my blog continues to grow & grow.

Included in this little giveaway is:

Soft hands kind hearts hand cream - infused with angelica extract and community trade olive oil - perfect size for your handbag. You can read more about this product here: Soft hands kind hearts hand cream
One of my favourite soaps from The Body Shop - Pink Grapefruit
And because most of my readers have children I'm also including a Body Shop magic flannel - simply put it in water and watch it grow! 100% cotton

Giveaway is open to Australian residents only. Ill be doing another giveaway soon which will be able to be posted worldwide :

All you have to do is follow my blog either by google friend connect or follow by email and let me know this in the comment section and tell me what your favourite skincare item is.

I will be selecting the winner on Tuesday 11th October at 8pm using random.org

Good luck!

A Self Portrait {day 2 Blogtoberfest}

2011-10-04T08:39:00.002+10:30

Not an altogether great photograph of me but me nonetheless. I think I look like a cross between a younger version of my Mother & Tina Arena.

No makeup, messy hair and taken with my iphone.

Oh and that white cloth is Rileys "blankie".

7 Little Moments {Day1 Blogtoberfest}

2011-10-03T00:33:00.000+10:30

I follow a few overseas blogs and one ive been following for a couple of years now is "The Glamerous Life of A house wife". Whitney lives in the United States and is married with one son and is currently expecting her second baby. I ~~stole~~ borrowed this idea from her to do '7 little moments". I think it will be a regular thing on my blog.

Friday 23th September

A family dinner in honour of my lovely stepdaughter Loz. She was heading off the next day for a school trip to Italy. Lucky girl!

Saturday 24th September

A daytrip to visit my mum. Riley woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day but i managed to get this photo anyway! It was a good day despite his grumpiness :)

Monday 26th September

Two of my favourite magazines subscriptions arrived today. Country Style & G green living made easy

Ive even managed to read both!

Tuesday 27th September

Some pretty spring flowers from my neglected garden. The lilac smells gorgeous when i walk past.

Wednesday 28th September

A trip to the playground. It was cold and a bit windy but the sun was out. Riley had fun, i always feel guilty that i don't take hime enough. Now that the weather is warming up ill try make it a regular outing.

Friday 30th September

The first bud on my friendship rose. This rose was given to me by a beautiful friend at my Daughter Amy's funeral. The rose is to symbolise the friendship that Amy & Milla had - from tiny babies to grown up girls. It has the prettiest pink flowers and it looks like it will be covered in them which makes me really happy :)

Sunday 2nd of October

The dogs took us for a walk today. There was lots of stick collecting, barking and puffing. It was good to get out of the house and clear my head. I love daylight savings. Im going to try to walk 3-4 times a week now. I have no excuses!

Well thats my 7 little moments of my week.

Sunday Quote

2011-10-02T19:23:00.000+10:30

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass....it's about learning how to dance in the rain"

~Unknown

Proof - The Reason Why I'm Going A Little Bit Crazy:

2011-09-30T22:02:00.000+09:30

I found this on kidspots facebook page and its no wonder my brain feels a little fried by the end of the day!

My Sweet Boy

2011-09-30T00:17:00.000+09:30

This little guy has been keeping me on my toes this week, hence no blog posts! I love his cheeky grin, his never ending questions (which are of the deep and meaninful kind lately!) his hugs & kisses & i love you's. Such a sweet boy who is growing up way too fast.

Sunday Quote

2011-09-24T23:09:00.000+09:30

Sunday

2011-09-18T23:53:00.002+09:30

It was a beautiful day here Sunday. Riley woke early (6am) so it was a bit of a long day. My partner is back from overseas and is a bit jet lagged so i thought it a good opportunity to get out of the house and enjoy the sunshine. We live about a 20 minute drive from the beach which isn't too bad. Growing up the beach was 5 Min's from our house so it feels a bit strange having to pack up and drive! Its a quaint little town which is popular in summer, great fishing and a market most weekends. Since we were there last they have updated the play equipment which Riley was more than happy to try out :)

On a different note - not sure how to adjust Riley's sleeping habits of late. He has for about the last year gone to bed 8-8.30 and will usually sleep 12-14 hours which has been great. lately though he is falling asleep early (usually on my lap) about 7 and then waking between 6-7 in the morning. I haven't quite adjusted to the early mornings. Any ideas on adjusting his sleeping pattern or do i just go with it? I know i have been really lucky in regards to his sleep in the past. Apart from his first few weeks he has always slept through the night which is great for me as i love my sleep!

Elton John - Tiny Dancer

2011-09-16T19:16:00.001+09:30

I love music. It makes me happy! I keep hearing this song lately so thought id share it. My taste in music is varied - Adele, Dido, Angus & Julia Stone, Dixie Chicks (Yes!) Bright Eyes (thanks to my beautiful daughter) current top 40 stuff to 80s & 90s. Ive always got music playing in the car and often at home.

Enjoy!!

My Story - Depression

2011-09-14T21:18:00.002+09:30

Tomorrow, Thursday 15th September is R U OK day. Its a national day of action which aims to prevent suicide by encouraging Australians to connect with someone they care about and help stop little problems turning into big ones. Who will you connect with today?

Depression isn't something i talk about often but its part of my everyday life. Looking back i had my first bout of depression in my last year of High school. I cant remember what it was that caused the depression, i just remember feeling really sad and it went on for some time. The word depression wasn't mentioned much back then and i cant remember telling anyone how i was feeling. i was fortunate it wasn't long lasting and i remained depression free for the next few years. Shortly after the birth of my daughter i started having trouble sleeping (a sign of depression) and i went to see a Doctor who prescribed some sleeping pills short term. I remember the Doctor saying to me he didn't think it was postnatal depression as i didn't look depressed. i put how i was feeling down to just being tired, being overwhelmed by early motherhood and the breakdown of my relationship with my daughters father. Over the course of the next 4-5 years i had bouts of terrible insomnia, anxiety attacks, i felt worthless and felt older than i was. When my daughter started school at age 5 i went back to work but had trouble coping being a single mum as well as the responsibilities that came with working. I stuck at it for 12 months, struggling day after day but not telling anyone about how i was feeling. Not long after i gave up my job i saw another Doctor who suggested i maybe depressed. I started seeing a counsellor & was put on antidepressants. I started sleeping better, my outlook changed and i started to feel like me again. I started working again and enjoying life for the first time in years. I was all of 25. I was eventually weaned of my medication and was mostly well for the next few years. About 6 years ago i had quite a lot of stress in my life and became severely depressed and for the first time was hospitalised. It was a huge wake up call for me and since then I've become very in tune with myself and when i feel myself slipping back i take action. Through a lot of trial an error i have found a wonderful GP and have been put onto a combination of medications which keep me well. The medication can only do so much of course and I've had to make lifestyle changes as well. These have included:

Eating well

Getting some exercise - for me its walking - it helps clear my head

Getting enough sleep

Keeping stresses to a minimum (easier said than done)

Having time to myself - Riley goes to a daycare centre one day a week and has done since he was 6 months old. Often I've felt guilty about this, the added cost etc but really at the end of the day if I'm happy and healthy Riley will benefit as well.

Simple things like showering first thing in the morning, getting out of the house on most days go along way in the overall scheme of things

Asking for help when i need it - something I've always struggled with. I'm getting better at it though. Everyone needs help from time to time.

That's a very condensed version of my battle with depression. I don't feel any shame in talking about it. I just wish it had been treated earlier than it was.

Happenings at my place

2011-09-07T17:46:00.006+09:30

OUR HOUSE

I havnt blogged much of late, life gets busy sometimes and when i do have time im usually too tired to write or just not in the right mood if that makes sense?

A little run down of whats been happening lately:

*Firstly my partner left for Europe last weekend. Its for work but *I* could have gone but *I* said no. Silly me! I could do with a holiday right now but the thought of travelling overseas with a 4 yo doesnt exactly sound like a holiday to me. I couldnt bare to leave him for 2 weeks so going was really out of the question. I never not appreciate everything my partner does for me and Riley but without him about it certainly highlights what he does do. He works from home mostly so im pretty lucky in that if i need to go out etc he can look after Riley. Only 10 days until he is home. Riley has really missed him, they do really have a close bond.

*Things are finally starting to happen with the house. I mentioned a while back that is for sale. The ensuite is finally finished (what a long drawn out saga that was!). We have people looking at the house tomorrow and an open inspection over the weekend. I can't wait for it to be sold. We sort of feel in limbo as we cant do a lot until it is sold.

*A long overdue visit to my mums this weekend. She lives on the coast, in the place i grew up in. I miss living close to the beach. It will be good to have a change of scenery & of course spend sometime with my mum.

*The usual kindy runs, a birthday party here and there.

*Riley had his 4 year old health check & immunisations last week. I didnt know how he would react with the needles but he was such a brave little boy and didnt cry at all!

*Oh and planning a holiday for later in the year, around november to early December. We are thinking Cairns or Port Douglas. Can't wait!

Well thats my news for now!

Fathers Day

2011-09-04T22:09:00.003+09:30

Happy Fathers day to my wonderful partner. You are the best Father any little boy could ask for. You are patient & fun. Riley adores you!

Thankyou for all you do for us. You provide us with a beautiful home and we want for nothing.

We love you, Chris & Dad

Grief & Public Breakdowns

2011-08-30T16:04:00.006+09:30

Its nearly 8 months since my daughter passed away. A couple of weeks ago i travelled to the City for an appointment. My partner wanted to take me as he didn't want me travelling alone but it would have caused too much upheaval at home so i decided it would be best if he stayed home. As things turned out he had to start work very early on the morning i was due to travel so we had my MIL look after our son and get the older kids to school. I started the day off on the wrong foot, stressed i wouldn't make it to the airport on time. I didn't get time for breakfast, coffee, my hair was left half dry. Basically i was a wreck and it was only 8am. I could feel the tears well as i got close to the airport. I was telling myself to get a grip on things and calm down. I was ok once i got on the plane and got some caffeine into me! It was going to be a long day. It only occurred to me when i was on my way home that night that the last time i had been in the City was when my daughter passed away. In the ICU of a major hospital. It all came back to me and it was too much. Grief does that. It comes in unexpected waves, when I'm least prepared. It can be a thought, a memory, nothing in particular. It just happens and there is not a lot i can do about it. My counsellor tells me its ok to cry and show emotion and i know that too but it can be damn embarrassing when it happens in public.

They say time heals, and it does. Its never going to sit well with me, i know that. I can imagine in say 30-40 years time i will still miss my daughter as much then as i do now. I don't want her to ever leave my mind.

I came across this quote the other day:

"You know what i find interesting? If you lose a spouse, you're called a widow, or widower. If you're a child and you lose your parents, then you're an orphan. Buts what's the word to describe a parent who loses a child? I guess that's just too f**king awful to even have a name"

Alan Ball

For A Good Cause

2011-08-27T19:24:00.005+09:30

During the week i had to travel to the city for an appointment. I had a couple of hours to spare so i thought id wander around the shops, basically fill in some time really. I wasn't in the mood to shop really (very unlike me!). One shop i always like to visit is the Bodyshop. Ive been a Bodyshop devotee since i was a teenager. I still use their Elderflower cooling eye gel - ive been using it for about 20 years now! Its great for tired eyes and really does have a cooling effect.

One of the reasons i love the Bodyshop so much is:

"The Bodyshop is committed to social and environmental justice on a local and global level"

At the moment they are running a campaign to stop Sex trafficking of children and young people. You can read more about it here and ways you can help http://www.thebodyshop.com.au/Content.aspx?Id=189

While i was there i picked up a limited edition Soft Hands Kind Heart hand cream for $10.95

If you get the chance why not pick one up next time you are in a Bodyshop, at a Bodyshop party or online

Be Yourself...

2011-08-27T16:08:00.001+09:30

Be yourself;

everyone else is already taken

Oscar Wilde

My Weekend

2011-08-20T19:46:00.002+09:30

Its a pretty quiet weekend here. Just what im needing as i have a fairly busy week ahead. I don't think ive mentioned before but we have shared care of my stepchildren. They stay with us one week and then back at their Mums for a week and so on! It works pretty well but of course with 2 extra people in the house there is more to do. Riley loves having his older brother & sister staying, always someone to play with!

On my "to do list" this weekend:

Plan meals for the week ahead and then go grocery shopping. I usually make things like spaghetti bolognaise, usually a slow cooked casserole, quiche, steak & vegies, fish & a chicken dish. I find it so much easier to plan our meals, that way i don't buy things at the supermarket we don't need & i don't have to think each night of something to make.

Make a Banana cake for school lunches - believe it or not i have a few over ripe bananas that need to be used. They are so expensive here at the moment so none go to waste.

Wash my car

Iron - my ironing pile is getting out of control!

Do a few eBay listings - i try and sell things we don't need and clothes Riley has outgrown. The extra money always comes in handy. Ive been selling on eBay for 8 years now - i don't know what id do without it!

Catch up on some reading - i have a pile of magazines and a new book "The Help" that i cant wait to start reading

Not a very exciting weekend but a productive one nonetheless!

Friday Quote

2011-08-19T13:17:00.003+09:30

Before you were conceived i wanted you

Before you were born i loved you

Before you were here for an hour i would die for you

This is the miracle of life

Author Maureen Hawkins

Little Boys.....

2011-08-18T22:08:00.002+09:30

4 Today

2011-08-17T16:05:00.004+09:30

Four years old today

One of my favourite baby photos - everytime i look at it i want to wipe the dribble of his chin - Riley is 5 months here

Riley 1 day old

Its my little fella's 4th birthday today! He has been counting down the days for weeks now asking every morning if its his Birthday yet! 4 is such a cute age (so far!). Riley is past the tantrum stage now and is a joy to take places. It wasnt the case, say a year ago, when he was in full tantrum mode!

Its a bit of a low key celebration this year, just a family dinner and a birthday cake. Oh and lots of presents too which were opened very early this morning :) Rileys happy so that makes for a happy mum.

This exact time 4 years ago i would have been holding my newborn son. Riley was born at 9pm, i was so excited to finally meet him and hold him i didnt get much sleep that first night, even after a 12 hour labour!

Happy birthday little man! You have brought us so much joy, happiness, laughter and love Xxx

Easy Peasy Butter Coconut Crisps

2011-08-13T16:58:00.005+09:30

The biscuit jar was looking a bit empty today and i wasn't planning a trip to the supermarket so i thought id give these a try. I had everything i needed on hand which is unlike me! I found this super easy recipe at Tania's blog Ivy Nest http://ivynest.blogspot.com/ ( i still can't work out how to do links :(

Butter Coconut Crisps

125g butter

1 1/4 cups self raising flour

1 cup of sugar

1 egg

Coconut

Melt butter, sift flour and sugar into bowl, add beaten egg and butter, mix thoroughly. Form into small balls the size of walnuts, roll in coconut and place on greased trays, allowing room to spread. Bake in moderate oven 10 to 15 minutes. Makes approximately 24 biscuits.

I don't think these are going to last long when the boys get home from football!

Reading Nook

2011-08-12T14:42:00.004+09:30

A favourite spot to sit and read the morning papers with a coffee. I love this white chair, although not practical seeing as i have a 3 year old! I can't bare to part with this chair, ive had it for years and its lived in a quite a few houses and survived a few moves. Hopefully we will be moving again soon. We have just put our house back on the market recently and have our hearts set on a place out of town. Fingers crossed it will sell this time....

To Kill a Mockingbird

2011-08-11T22:29:00.005+09:30

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view. 'til you climb inside his skin and walk around in it"

Atticus Finch "To kill a Mockingbird"

All Things French

2011-08-10T13:55:00.007+09:30

A style guide

French perfume bottles sit on my dresser - My signature perfume is Parisienne by Yves Saint Laurent. My daughters favourite perfume was Miss Dior Cherie. The scent of this perfume evokes beautiful memories of times spent with my daughter.

Not sure if it is French but it has that look about it. This gorgeous music box belonged to my late Grandmother and used to sit on her dresser, it now sits on mine. I think of her everyday.

This French inspired notebook with my daughters doodling on the front

A jewellery stand

This post is a little back to front - i ment to have the text first and then include the photos, oh well! Im still learning this blogging thing!

Today in the mail i finally received a book id ordered on Booktopia "Parisian Chic" a style guide by Ines de la Fressange. Ive flipped through it and can't wait to sit down and read it when i have the time

One day i plan on visiting France. The visit will be as much for my daughter as for me. Its a place she always dreamed of going to.

Id better brush up on my school girl french for now!

I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart. Vincent Van Gogh

Confession

2011-08-09T22:57:00.003+09:30

I have a confession to make - i am an online shopping addict. Well, not quite an addict but i do enjoy it in comparison to retail shopping!

I thought id share a few of my favourite links with you. Every website listed I've had positive experiences with.

Charlipopkids clothing - http://www.charlipopkids.com.au/

Fantastic website with affordable kids clothing. Great range for all ages with a pre-loved section. I discovered this site 4 years ago just before my son was born. Mrs Charlipops will even sell your pre-loved clothing on consignment or swap it for store credit. Ive managed to purchase some gorgeous clothes for Riley this way.

Birdsnest clothing online - http://www.birdsnest.com.au

Probably the best online women's/children's clothing shop. Great brands, fantastic service and quick delivery. They have a section with styled outfits showing you what accessories to wear etc.

Dead sea products: http://www.deadsea.com.au

Beautiful skincare range. You can get an online skin analysis done for $5 which includes samples and a $5 gift certificate. Huge range of products and fantastic customer service.

Integrity Cosmetics: http://www.integritycosmetics.com.au

Ive not long discovered this website but i was keen to try their range. And it didn't disappoint. Their skincare is certified organic so you know what you are putting on your skin is pure. It smells divine as well. The packaging is beautiful too.

Its so hard sometimes to get out when you have small children so i find online shopping to be so convenient for that reason. And you can shop when it suits you

Now i just wish Coles did home delivery in my area as id shop online for my groceries too if i could!

Sunday Quote

2011-08-06T22:58:00.000+09:30

Waiting for the Postman

2011-08-06T11:14:00.002+09:30

I love going in competitions and ive been lucky enough to win a few little things along the way.

Recently i came across a gorgeous website Et la Mer. They have the most equistive clothing and handbags, wallets, jewellery and other goodies. I decided to sign up to their newsletter. There is a link where you can suggest a friend who may like to receive their newsletter as well. By doing this you are entered into their monthly prize which is a $100 gift certificate to spend on absolutely anything. And.....i won!!! I received a email the other day and thought it was a hoax and had to re-read it 3 times before it sunk in that i had actually won. It was burning a hole in my "pocket"so i had to spend it. I got a gorgeous handmade necklace and will take a photo when it arrives - can't wait!

You can check out their gorgeous website here http://www.etlamer.com.au/

Have a great weekend & enjoy the winter sunshine :)

3 going on 30

2011-08-02T16:23:00.004+09:30

Riley is 3. He turns 4 in a few weeks time. In almost everyway he is a typical 3 almost 4 year old. Since losing his sister 6 months ago ive seen glimpses of the man he will become. He has shown understanding beyond his years and im so proud to be his mummy.

At Amys funeral, he sat on my knee quietly throughout the entire service. The rest of the day he wasnt far from my side. In his own little way he was trying to comfort me. In the days after the funeral he spoke of Amy often. One conversation we had was "wheres Amy gone?" I said "she is an angel now, in Heaven". Riley said "with ho ho?" Ho Ho is what he called Santa. He had worked this out for himself. Listening during the service he must have worked out that Amy was now in a very safe & happy place and for him Ho Ho is all about happiness too (presents, Christmas). Ive left it at that for now. As he gets older he will ask more and he will be able to understand at a deeper level.

Brother & sisterly love:

Grief - Six Months On

2011-07-31T16:09:00.006+09:30

I started this blog to have an outlet, in the hope that it helps all that im going through since losing my daughter. I also keep a personal journal, sometimes i write in it everyday but usually its about once a week. It really depends how im feeling at the time.

Ive read a few different books on grief and what to expect but the ones ive found most helpful are people telling their story, their personal experience of grief and loss. Currently im reading "I will Carry You" by Angie Smith. The beautiful story of her precious baby girl who passed away 2 hours after her birth. Angie is also the author of her blog entitled Bring the Rain. I highly recommend her blog. I purchased her book on Amazon.com but you can also purchase it via her
website.

I guess to put it simply where im at with my grief - the first 3 months or so i was pretty much in shock and although i knew what had happened it still hadn't really sunk in (denial). I then went into a real deep grieving time where i cried pretty much non stop for weeks on end. I was an emotional mess (understandably). Where im at right now is ive come to accept that my beautiful daughter has died, and although im not depressed i feel very sad (acceptance). I just miss her. Riley was looking at a photo of Amy yesterday and he said "i wuv amy and i miss her all the times". It was so sweet, yet so sad. I never want him to forget her. Such a beautiful caring little soul.

Here's a photo i took about 18 months ago:

Till next time

Shelley

Lazy Saturday

2011-07-30T11:31:00.000+09:30

Spending the day at home pottering around, maybe do some baking, catch up on some reading. The new issue of one of my favourtie magazines, Mindfood is out so will pop down to the newsagents and pick up a copy.

Im making a zucchini & pinenut pasta for dinner tonight (will share recipe tomorrow). Everyone loves it, even my fussy toddler! And its very simple and easy to make - a winner all round!

Happy Weekend!

First Day at Kindy

2011-07-29T22:30:00.001+09:30

This is my third attempt at writing this post. I keep getting distracted and forgetting to save as a draft! Anyway it was my precious little boys first day at kindy - i don't know who was more excited, him or me! It all went well, he settled in ok and got busy doing drawings and playing and making new friends. I think having started Riley at daycare from a young age (about 6 months) he was ok with me leaving.

My week has been ok, nothing out of the ordinary, just normal life stuff really. The ensuite still isn't finished but hopefully monday the guys with be back to finish it off.

In all the craziness of getting ready and out the door early i forgot to take a first day at kindy photo so have dug out a few older photos. He is still just as cute though!

Adele - ''Someone Like You'' - Favourtie Song

2011-07-22T11:39:00.000+09:30

6 months on

2011-07-21T20:50:00.000+09:30

Ive had the crappiest of days. Firstly, just to add some stress to my day, the tradesmen who are working on our new ensuite turned up early. While usually this wouldn't be a huge deal i just happened to be stepping out of the shower when they arrived. With a toddler under foot i threw a dressing gown on and answered the door. They could see it was a bad time and said they would come back at the agreed time. For some reason this just threw me out for the whole day. I raced around, did my hair, makeup etc in record time. I didnt have anything much on for the day, i just like to look together, it makes me feel somewhat normal. I breathed a sigh of relief as i dropped my son at his daycare. He has been exhausting lately for some reason. It could be because im out of sorts. It seems to work like that.
Secondly and most importantly its 6 months today that my darling daugher passed away. 6 long months. Its just crap, there are no words that are adequate. It sounds strange but i walk around feeling like something is missing, not quite right and then i remember that shes gone. Its not that i ever forget but life takes over and i get caught up in the everyday. I went to the cemetry, i didnt know what else to do. I took pretty yellow and white flowers, i stayed a while, it was sunny but chilly. Im glad today is almost over, its been that sort of day.

On a happier note its the toddlers birthday next month, he will turn 4. The Target toy sale started here today so i went down to my local Target and braved the crowds. I over spent but you only turn 4 once, right? I can't wait till its his birthday and i can see the look on his face as he opens them! Im going to make sure he has the best birthday. We will just have a little party at home with family, ill make a cake, decorate the house with balloons etc. As a child the best birthdays were spent with family at home. Mum would make our favourite meal and we would get to pick a cake out of The Australian Womens Weekly birthday cake book. I loved looking through that book and i now have my mums copy.

Ill leave you with this thought: Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up. Reverend Jessie jackson

Love this:

2011-07-18T17:14:00.000+09:30

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.

Dr Seuss

Lazy Sunday

2011-07-17T18:01:00.000+09:30

Its freezing in my part of the world. Well, almost! It did get down to 2 degrees here overnight and i havn't managed to warm up today. Thats winter for you. Ive been comforting myself today with a sleep in this morning, yummy food and catching up on some reading. Dinner is cooking in the slow cooker, its smells devine.

Ive felt at peace today, a feeling ive not felt often over the past 6 months. Missing my girl though, that never goes away :(

"Always try to be a little kinder than necessary" James M Barrie

A New Beginning...

2011-07-16T23:05:00.000+09:30

I'm back. What a year ive had so far :( Without going into too much detail) In January of this year my world was changed forever. My beautiful, darling only daughter passed away after a short illness. She was just 19. Too young to die. So much life to live. Im heartbroken. Im learning how to live without her, its not easy, i miss her terribly. Her death was so sudden, untimely. She should still be here. I don't know why she had to die but i guess it was her time. Oh to be able to talk to her one last time. So much to say. This blog ive started is going to be a mix of different aspects of my life, my son who is 3, my home, an exciting project in the pipeline (more on that as it develops) and of course my daughter will be mentioned. I hope you join me as i journey through a difficult time in my life. There is still room for laughter & fun. Life has to go on. I owe that to my family.

Shelley

"Gratitude is the memory of the heart" - Jean Baptiste Massieu

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