6 months on

Ive had the crappiest of days. Firstly, just to add some stress to my day, the tradesmen who are working on our new ensuite turned up early. While usually this wouldn't be a huge deal i just happened to be stepping out of the shower when they arrived. With a toddler under foot i threw a dressing gown on and answered the door. They could see it was a bad time and said they would come back at the agreed time. For some reason this just threw me out for the whole day. I raced around, did my hair, makeup etc in record time. I didnt have anything much on for the day, i just like to look together, it makes me feel somewhat normal. I breathed a sigh of relief as i dropped my son at his daycare. He has been exhausting lately for some reason. It could be because im out of sorts. It seems to work like that.
Secondly and most importantly its 6 months today that my darling daugher passed away. 6 long months. Its just crap, there are no words that are adequate. It sounds strange but i walk around feeling like something is missing, not quite right and then i remember that shes gone. Its not that i ever forget but life takes over and i get caught up in the everyday. I went to the cemetry, i didnt know what else to do. I took pretty yellow and white flowers, i stayed a while, it was sunny but chilly. Im glad today is almost over, its been that sort of day.

On a happier note its the toddlers birthday next month, he will turn 4. The Target toy sale started here today so i went down to my local Target and braved the crowds. I over spent but you only turn 4 once, right? I can't wait till its his birthday and i can see the look on his face as he opens them! Im going to make sure he has the best birthday. We will just have a little party at home with family, ill make a cake, decorate the house with balloons etc. As a child the best birthdays were spent with family at home. Mum would make our favourite meal and we would get to pick a cake out of The Australian Womens Weekly birthday cake book. I loved looking through that book and i now have my mums copy.

Ill leave you with this thought: Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up. Reverend Jessie jackson