Grief & Public Breakdowns

Its nearly 8 months since my daughter passed away. A couple of weeks ago i travelled to the City for an appointment. My partner wanted to take me as he didn't want me travelling alone but it would have caused too much upheaval at home so i decided it would be best if he stayed home. As things turned out he had to start work very early on the morning i was due to travel so we had my MIL look after our son and get the older kids to school. I started the day off on the wrong foot, stressed i wouldn't make it to the airport on time. I didn't get time for breakfast, coffee, my hair was left half dry. Basically i was a wreck and it was only 8am. I could feel the tears well as i got close to the airport. I was telling myself to get a grip on things and calm down. I was ok once i got on the plane and got some caffeine into me! It was going to be a long day. It only occurred to me when i was on my way home that night that the last time i had been in the City was when my daughter passed away. In the ICU of a major hospital. It all came back to me and it was too much. Grief does that. It comes in unexpected waves, when I'm least prepared. It can be a thought, a memory, nothing in particular. It just happens and there is not a lot i can do about it. My counsellor tells me its ok to cry and show emotion and i know that too but it can be damn embarrassing when it happens in public.


They say time heals, and it does. Its never going to sit well with me, i know that. I can imagine in say 30-40 years time i will still miss my daughter as much then as i do now. I don't want her to ever leave my mind.

I came across this quote the other day:


"You know what i find interesting? If you lose a spouse, you're called a widow, or widower. If you're a child and you lose your parents, then you're an orphan. Buts what's the word to describe a parent who loses a child? I guess that's just too f**king awful to even have a name"


Alan Ball